farters have to be the big spoon...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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