rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
