so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
