I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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