i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
