did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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