I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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