Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
