just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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