my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
