cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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