We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize