90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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