we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
