WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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