The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
