he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
