he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
