LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
