I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
