How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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