Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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