just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
