i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
