I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
