There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
