Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
