you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
