if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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