Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize