things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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