Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
