We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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