Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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