He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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