As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
