I feel great
I just peed on a car
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
