I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
this is an emotional support booty call
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
