Kareoke will never be a sober sport
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He passed out mid-signature
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
