I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
