wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
