thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
