I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize