why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
