Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
