My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I need a burrito and a hug.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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