I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm always down for nudity.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
