My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
