Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
