You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
