If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
