Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize