he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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