he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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