dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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