mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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