I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
