hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
