new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
