He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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