My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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