Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
