one word: firstdatebathroomanal
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
