8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
