I think I won the penis lottery.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
