One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
