I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
