Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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