Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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