Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
