she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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