Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Actions speak louder than pants.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
