Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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