I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Randomize
