please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
