whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
