dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
