My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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